Tourist

While traveling on the bus I realized that I have never felt more like a tourist than I do here in Spain. I can´t speak the language and I have no idea what´s going on around me. It´s like living in a very loud bubble. Lots of sounds but no sense of knowing. I am the people we curse at home. Then it dawned on me, I am a tourist in my own life. The Camino has taught me that. Before I left home, I knew I had to come on this trip but not necessarily to walk 500km. Well how in the hell does one go on a walking pilgrimage and not walk? (sometimes I get on my own nerves) So I set out for Spain - to whatever... I visited cities and I was scared to walk (or not) so I was not present for the cities. Then when I was walking I was scared of walking (what was over that hill?) so I was not present for the walking. So it´s truly like being a tourist in my own life. Going along with the crowd. Never quite sure why or when or even how we are going to get "there" (wherever that is). So it´s a walk without a walk (yes Gail the anti-Camino). So my new Camino (the anti-Camino) with 26 days left will be a few more days of walking (14 or 15) then to see what the other part of me was searching for... God. So the Camino (and now my life not as a tourist) will consist of finding (then seeing) God outside - in all of the beauty that nature can and does provide and inside in every church that I can find.. Understanding that that the continuing the Camino and life is both an internal and external journey. My anti-Camino indeed.
Buen Camino!