My Truth About Lying

I woke up this morning with the brain in its “full on position”, again, working with the analysis of life’s quandaries. This morning it was on lying. 

So naturally I thought; I am not a liar. As if in some small way I could separate the person from the deed. Then the voice inside me said; you don’t lie… until you do. 

So I had to explore, why do I lie? In fact it is in my nature to be quite truthful and forthcoming, so why do I do this? 

My mind wonders through society, situations then hits on someone I have lied to. Why did I do this? Why did I lie to them? I begin to realize that I lied to them; and for that matter, all the reasons I lie is; I want you to love me or I want you to see me in an idealized light. I am afraid that if you see “me” well, you know that thought.

In every way for me it is about power. I feel powerless (afraid, unsure) and in some very small way the lie keeps me powerful, keeps me safe.  But can simple words keep me safe? And in that same vein, can words bring me actual harm? No, not the implied meaning of these words, but the letters within the words themselves?  Of course that sounds silly; as I have never heard of an attack by the letter M.  (Z maybe and you had better watch out for that Q, it is always followed by the U and we all know how U's can be,  J but I digress). 

I have now come to understand that: lies are the truth wrapped in a different color paper. Maybe it's the truth I want so desperately to believe, maybe it's the truth in this moment that I think I need; to gain your or even my own approval, doesn't matter. For in that moment, for that very second, it was true. My words reflected my truth: I was afraid. I spoke the words of fear and that fear was my truth. Whatever words came out of my mouth, they are irrelevant; as they began in the truth of that instant emotion.

My life’s purpose has always been (now is that really true?)  continuing on, that I live authentically. I used to believe that authentic living meant to be truthful to the moment. I have now come to a simpler place; just to be the moment, alive to it, within it. Not separate from it in truth or lies, simply within, lung breathing, heart pumping no more and no less.

It is from this vantage point that I have found for me both truth and lies are all the same; exactly as is dark and light are the same things; just things seen from different perspectives. So to me lies are truth wrapped in different color paper. Whether or not I choose to open them (share my lies with you) or not is of no consequence for they are perfect in their own way. So will I lie again? 

No, of course not, until I do. And so it goes; lung breathing, heart pumping; alive,and most definitely human.