From under the rubble of the of this earthquake know as this current year of my life, I sit and wait... for... aftershocks. I reflect on how all of this started a few short months ago. I wanted a change. But for me a change is like purchasing and wearing a brown pair of slacks or ordering something different from my the menu of my favorite restaurant. What I have gotten is cataclysmic. The cost for me has been 2 people very dear to me (through movement), 2 places I have called home (this year), my business, 4 cats (1 to death), 2 dogs, my home town (too much sadness for me here), and every ounce of physical and emotional energy just to keep walking. I knew the Camino would be expensive but I really hope that I have paid my bill in full.
The decision is made... I leave New Orleans and move to Dallas. I am clear that for me to do what I need to do in my life now is no longer here in my hometown. And so I must move on.. Since this decision the aftershocks come... I wonder around the house - fall apart- get up - make the bed, wonder around the house- fall apart- get up - brush my teeth. I am sure you get the picture. To me this is the courageous part of the journey. To see and know what is ahead - fear it with every ounce of my being (and want it even less) but going there by putting one foot in front of the other. One dreaded step at a time. Yes I know they get easier - but that is in time- and now is not that time. So in thinking about all of this I thought of you - all of you -both known and unknown to me. The people that have read this blog and shared with me my most challenging and personal journey. I can only hope that by you seeing and feeling with me that in some small way you were able to see a bit out of your darkness. For I know without this there would have been no light at all for me. Through you and this blog I have found my voice, my calling. (yes I do know that I've never been accused of not having a voice). I am going to continue to write this blog as I move down my path. I hope you decide to continue to read it. While I was in Spain I wrote several pages of topics I wanted to cover but did not the time to get to them all. I would love and encourage you to give me feedback or thoughts on my blog (now or in the future) for without you this is just me rambling to air and I do enough of that already. (I know, I know - I talk a lot).
Again I want to say how deeply humbled and appreciative of how each of you supported and continue to support me in this.... well... I guess it's my life. How grateful I am.
0 comments:
Post a Comment