The Little Girl Who Lives in my Head

I must admit that there are several “people” (thoughts) that live in my head.  (I realize that this might sound a bit off, but bear with me.)  The one that has seemed never to move far away from my everyday thoughts is this little girl.  When I close my eyes, I can picture her.  She is about 5 years old, standing on the front lawn of the home I grew up in, wearing a sundress with white Striderite shoes.  (OK so my mom’s idea of how I should dress really comes through on this thought!) 

She stands there so small, so innocent, and so full of wonder, that I can’t help but to want to love and protect her.  You know, she just looks so cute and innocent.  Immediately I flash to the 6’6” “, 300 lb. “Black Celt” whose has taken on the role of this protection.  NOTHING will get past him. He WILL protect her! 

For years, these two “people” (thoughts) lived in what I thought was complete agreement.  The young girl would venture out into the world and the “Black Celt” would make sure she was always safe. 

Recently, I began to examine this relationship.  Whenever I would inquire to see how they were doing, the Celt would always answer, we are fine; she is safe.  It dawned on me that she never said a word, she never answered the question.   She just smiled and looked cute.  I finally realized that this was the pattern over many years.  (OK, so I am not too quick.)  So I turned to her to ask:  How’s it going?  How is this symbiotic relationship working for you?

And man, was I in for a surprise.  She looked at me with all the wisdom in the world and said, you know, I just keep him around only so he could feel needed.  I don’t need him, for I am fine.  I am always safe; because my heart is open.  I am every curious; for I know there is nothing that could ever hurt me.  I am always willing to love, as love is my essence. 

Mind-blowing revelations from the mouth of a child!

I realized that for all of my life, I have felt the need to protect myself, from the world, from someone, or even something.  In trying to keep myself “safe” I have discounted my own strength and resilience.  I have forgotten who I really am; for I am that little girl, on the lawn, with the strength, wisdom, and courage of a child. 

Today, I honor that child in me, for she has always known the way!