Be Careful What You Wish For

In the beginning of the year when I first started to think about the Camino, I recognized that it was a symbol of my life. Before the walk was my life as a child, young woman, woman. After the walk woman, older woman, old woman. So I knew that as much as I was to walk toward something I was walking away from something too. I was to walk away from my life as I have known it since birth. All of my thoughts, feelings and beliefs that were no longer useful for me. Well so I thought. Those things would have been very easy for me since they exist inside of me. But the Camino is a tough taskmaster. She was to ask me to give up everything. Everything that tied me to my past. So I have moved my mother to Dallas, sold the family home, left a 17 year relationship, 3 cats and 2 dogs, my home and all of my sources income. It seems like every time I think well this has to be it – it isn't. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning (got my Camino haircut- could it be any shorter?) and I can't even recognize who I am. My hair (what's left of it) is turning gray, my face just looks – well- older. And so I continue to path to walking. My only hope and prayer at this point is that the walk itself is easier than the walk to prepare for the walk.